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It's time you served your true purpose.

Nov. 8th, 2007 | 03:13 am
Emotion: tiredtired
Score: Keiki Kobayashi - (Ace Combat Zero) "MAYHEM"

Before i get to the point, not a whole lot's changed with my personal life. Well, i did brag in IRC about my possession of my very own DS which i've yet to abuse due to lack of games, but that's pretty much it.

Now that i've got that off my shoulder, it's time i got your attention! GA-HA!!



Still in progress, but i sure hope it's done in another 2 days, because HOLY FUCKING FUCK this week is going to be busy. So busy it's not funny.

*dies in his deathbed*

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I beat the game of Life and all i got was this lousy T-shirt.

Aug. 18th, 2007 | 10:17 pm
Score: Teeth grinding

Before i start, have some obligatory art. Gonna try make this routine whenever i post new entries.



I haven't posted a single journal for months, and all i have to say *now* is...

I have my PC time slashed by 1 hour. That means i have to quit at 10 pm every weekdays. My fucking nigger monkey of a stepdad's idea. I fucking hate it. Sure, it gives me less eye pain, but only so little relief. And now, my lifespan's getting shortened considerably, even if it's 1 hour off.

The reasons that factor is stacking up so quickly is because i really fucking hate it when i get interrupted with my daily affairs online, and i have to wait indefinitely for a chance to get the broken laptop i got for free fixed. And indefinitely might mean another 6 months.

And here you all thought World of Whorecraft is the bane of most kids' lives.

So now i'm writing this entry, just for the sake of hoping that the dumbfuck forget his little passing of bill in the 2nd week. I'm going to keep pissing on his puny little ass until i get that fucking laptop fixed. Boooooy am i gonna regress my mental age now.

But...

Now that i think about it, this whole angry thing is also adding more "tension".

Last month, i went to a doujin convention and, i saw the same guy who gave me a tarot card reading with pending donations. I thought i might go and see what happens when i get this year's reading, since i couldn't remember what the last one was. I shuffled the cards like a sheep with a nut for a brain, but that was because the fortuneteller warned me to be nice to the cards, since previous readings weren't that accurate to other people.

But for some strange reason, that's what those cards didn't do to me. I don't even know him and vice versa, and yet he asked me, "Do you have an unforeseen disaster after another?" That blanked me for a few seconds before i said, "Yes." After that, he kept saying stuff that's "frighteningly accurate", as i've remarked while it went on. The whole time, the main card that was on top of all the cards in the deck is The Tower card. Great looking card, meaning... not so great. At the end of the whole reading, the fortuneteller concluded that the future isn't as bleak as i expect it to be. He did warn, however, that if i don't "lighten the hell up", i could get a mental breakdown.

*Insert stereotypical manga shock panel here*

Time kinda stood still. Or maybe that's just my hormones going WRYYYYYYYYYY on me. So, i gave him a donation of 20 cents since that was what was left of my small change at that time, and left to other parts of the venue. But the thought of me, suffering a mental breakdown, stuck to me for a while, maybe even until now. Pretty stupid for me to worry, but i am worried.

Me, suffering a mental breakdown? What's gonna happen to me? I can't be dumber than i am now after i have it... My talents are too precious to waste...

So, right now, i'm not doing anything. But i HAVE to do something. I have to figure out something. If i can't come up with something, then it's really gonna happen. Where to start looking...
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How to disappear completely.

Jul. 11th, 2007 | 03:07 am
Emotion: blankblank

Let's all take a blast from my past, shall we?

Back in the baby days, my assburgers was in quite the peak. I could barely restrain my emotions, and as a result, any friendship i had was either short-lived, or forgotten. I was really alone at that time, and even worse, i almost always *want* to be left alone, because i'd always get pissed at anyone who bothers me while i'm doing some stupid shit, like playing console games.

Now, after years of leaving this bullshit problem untreated, mixed with overwhelming regret that i get everytime i want to be alone, i've grown to become an awfully rowdy attention seeker, most displayed in the odd bowel corners of the internet, arguing about insignificant rubbish that i should rather not mix myself deeper into, and vainly producing artwork, in hopes of gaining as much attention as that certain group of people comprised of illustrators who only specialize on one specific area of drawing, and yet gain celebrity status for some ghostly odd reason.

And that's where the point of this entry comes in -- I need to find a way to be able to restrain myself, and be involved in internet drama as little as possible, without having to resort to crazy shit, such as destroying my broadband modem so that i wouldn't have to succumb to the temptation of arguing for no good reason whatsoever. I need to find a way to actually not chew on words whenever i post drawings, and post more than just one piddly 500x500 pixel garbage, because it seems that all the cool artists are doing it, only posting something minute like "--" or "Fish" in picture descriptions, and posting batches of 3-5 illustration pieces per week/month, to prove that speed, in illustrating, is crucial to gather as much worshippers as possible.

It's sickeningly funny, that the magnitude of this problem, it could actually be comparable to a dying man trying his utter hardest at quitting smoking.

If i keep this up, the lungs, brains, and aorta sitting knee-deep inside my mind will surely be fucked, royally. And that alone would only be the beginning of the flight of stairs that spiral down to ruined lives, hardly even tapping the surface of broken relationships to come.

Fuck you, inferiority complex.

--

In other news, i got back from Brisbane. Not a bad holiday, but it's quite terrible that the vacation had to be offset by lagging schedules and bad planning. Other than that, i had quite the time, loitering in a large alleyway full of shops, and this huge shopping complex reminiscent of a mall i used to go to when i was young.

I was also brave enough, in Movie World, to ride a rollercoaster ride twice and a vertical rocket ride once before i went straight to the airport to hitch a ride back to Melbourne. I quite enjoyed the rides, considering how nervous i was before i went into them... I mean, how was 3-5 Gs worth of vertical push supposed to feel like?

All in all, Brisbane and Gold Coast are nice places to go to. I wouldn't mind going back there, though i'd rather much prefer Sydney.

--

Oh yeah, one last thing -- it's my birthday on july 10th. I'm 1 year closer to death! *ded*

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WHO MADE THIS AGENDA ARGH

Jun. 25th, 2007 | 12:53 pm
Emotion: contemplativecontemplative
Score: Scooter - "Logical Song"

Next wednesday, i'll be going to Queensland, passing Mt. Buller along the way. Not only is that in such short notice, but it's going to last until july 8th. Sounds pretty intense, too.

But i'm so scared, i keep hearing stuff that QLD is a scary place, and i'm paranoid that the plane would crash from sudden engine failure. I DON'T WANNA DIE IN PIECES AAAAAAAAH ;__;

But that's taking it way too far... I could use a first-time trip to the snow and get bored of snow the next day or something. I dunno.

But it still saddens me that i'll be taking this trip without knowing if i'll get my usual money for me to spend with before the trip. Hopefully i will.

Anyway, i'm gonna go make some brunch or whatever. *dead*

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(no subject)

Jun. 6th, 2007 | 01:44 pm
Emotion: apatheticapathetic
Score: NIN - "Just Like You Imagined"

The doctor said that it's nothing serious, merely a mechanical problem. I hate to say it, but she was right -- the next week or so, my leg got better. I still wouldn't have taken any chances with what i find, though.

But now that that's over, something new's come up. It basically dwarfs the bad leg.

Early this week, mom's planning a pre-birthday dinner that's on tonight. Typically for her, events like this really gets her on edge and stuff, what with her going apeshit on me on every last day before it happens. But that's just something i have to get used to, like it or not.

Just before noon, big bro called right after i woke up, he wanted to speak to mom. After a few minutes of passing the phone to her, i heard her wailing. At first i thought she was having the usual emotional quarrel with her loathesome husband, but then i realized she was fucking pissed at big bro. The anger just dragged on and on and on, to the point that i heard her shriek in tears twice.

It turns out that big bro doesn't want to attend the family dinner, in which he claimed to have planned.

So because of that she raved on about how he's a ungrateful son and how his girlfriend is some mean-ass whore bitch. She fucked on some more of the related sentence, then i heard her talk to her husband, demanding that big bro is not to be contacted whatsoever, and that if he does come to the dinner anyway, he'll be kicked out by her. I think i also heard a few instances when she said that "his mother is dead in the ocean to his eyes".


What's funny from all of this is that I'm not picking up any emotion from this whatsoever. I just sat on my chair, looking at some page in the internet, like as if depression and nihilistic apathy is groping my moobs. I should've felt like a real monster for not crying my mother a river, but you know what i got in my mind as an answer instead?

"For fuck's sake, mom, this is getting old. Stop it."


...


So... Now mom don't want anything to do with him anymore. At least, right now, anyway.

I'm watching my family crumble right before my eyes, and i don't want to be part of the problem, because i just can't do anything to help fix the shit. Even when i'm told that i'm just being self-defensive, i just can't shit off the feeling that i'm being a selfish survivalist prick. I should feel ashamed. I should feel guilty. I should feel like a dick. I should've cried.

But even if i did cry, i can't shed a single tear. And even if i did shed a tear, it's completely fucking fake. I should feel like a real monster, but that's just not coming into my head without having myself force that thought in me..

I'm worried that if i keep acting like this, i really would become the monster i yearned to devour.

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They can eat you inside.

May. 28th, 2007 | 03:59 pm
Emotion: worriedconcerned
Score: Dethklok - "Awaken Mustakrakish"

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3739739859089775047

Best fucking video i've ever seen thus far. I feel sorry for those pricks, but acting like a bunch of yard bullies in a fucking freeway will get you a deflated brain, IMO.


--

For the last 2 weeks, i've been suffering pains in my left leg, from the top of the kneecap to the first 1/3 of the calf down. They hurt like shit whenever i bend the bloody thing. I thought this was more of what happens when you cross your legs wait for a DVT for 3 hours every day, but...

I'm starting to suspect that it's caused by one of my frequent habits. Ever since i can remember i tend to plant my left leg on a chair or a flat sitting surface and sit on it whenever i'm sitting down. Maybe the fact that my ass is squashing the veins on my ankles or the fact that having my left leg bend for so long every day contributed to the pains.

Whatever the reasons, someone's told me that if the pain is left untreated, i might have a heart attack. It's not that likely, but i'm not taking any chances whatsoever. I'll be seeing the doctor tommorow.

On a side note, RuneShit and Advance Wars are the 2 reasos why i haven't been in a chatty mood lately. Fucking assburgers making me an addict. >:I

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RIP Optical Mouse 2004?-2007

Apr. 26th, 2007 | 03:09 am
Emotion: sadMournful

I dunno what the fuck did it, but it seems my optical mouse of 3 or so years choked on me when it keeps disconnecting, something bout "USB malfunction or whatever the fuck it was.

It was a very small Swann USB mouse, black, and sprouted random colors when it's on. It occasionally made my hand sore because it was so small and my hands are so huge.

I'm actually gonna wait a few days to see if this glitch is temporary, but if it isn't, then i'm going to miss the mardi gras lights the mouse would sputter. And i sure as fuck am gonna miss that mouse wheel and wheeling pages and quick-closing FF browser tabs.

Now i'm using my old Hewlett-Packard mouse that screeches on the fabric of the mousepad. Very primitive, but it's better than nothing. It could be the last thing i'd have before my tablet chokes too since i can use it as a mouse.

*sigh* Guess it's time i saved up for a new optical mouse big enough for my hands.

VAYA CON DIOS, MY MARDI GRAS MOUSE ;___;

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(no subject)

Apr. 22nd, 2007 | 10:20 pm
Emotion: apatheticapathetic
Score: Grand Theft Auto 2 - Funami FM

http://img101.imageshack.us/img101/8920/whatgq4.jpg

That's a nice opinion, dood, but your sacriligious opening statement there, IMO, equates to the support of PETA, Fred Phelps, and Flat-Earth theorists.

I know you can be a bit stupid with some opinions, knowing you, but this one is just as daft.

Then again you always hated Werewolf-Dante-copies.

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18 is not a mature number.

Apr. 20th, 2007 | 08:12 pm
Emotion: apatheticapathetic

It's funny how whenever i'm outside of the house, i'm not a raging chihuahua who tries to bark loudly.

But whenever i am, i lose control because of the nigger my mother married, and i do fuckall that's as embarassing as KurtBatz putting a faux-contract on AndreusWolf just because his temperament can get him half of what he wants.

--

See, that nigger wanted to install another one of this POS game he bought for my sister, much to my annoyance, since he can install it on the second computer that was upstairs. I was always under the impression that the only REAL reason why he does that is because he wants to wear a diaper and play those games HIMSELF, which is what i usually think when my sister gets bored of playing and i find him playing the games instead. I watched him getting declined in the install. process constantly, and how he stupidly tries again and again. At one point he asks me to help him, and i spat back at him that i'm following one of his rules, "eat or masturbate using the keyboard". He then, for some fucking stupid reason, restarted the computer, and broke every shit i was working on that i left on when he switched accounts. He's done this more than thrice already, and i got fuckin' pissed. So verbal fisticuffs came, and i told him that i limited his account settings all this time because i don't want him looking at my shit in spite. Because of that i made his friend from Perth (who was, at that time, on a weekly vacation) waste 8 hours of his life trying to install shit. I responded that i didn't trust people who installs shit i don't know on my computer, and i felt guilty for not telling his friend, who was a lot fuckin' nicer than the nigger, about that. So then i argued on, mom got involved, and at some point, i threatened to kick his fuckin' face if he doesn't shut the fuck up. He literally went "OOOOOOOOOOH I'M SCARED", and seeing that made me wish to say that he's lucky my mother treated me like a dog just to fuckin' cram the word "respect" into my head when i was young, because if i didn't, i would've picked up the garden hatchet i bought and fuckin' break open that shitcorn smirk of his before i hack him into 1000 fuckin' pieces. Note that he was right beside my sister, to comfort-- i mean molest her, since she's his blow-up doll, when i said that.

Now that i mentioned the important bits, my mother then tried to talk me into controlling my emotions, which i thought to myself, is still too difficult for me to do, since she herself made me like this when she was acting like the nigger in her late 20s. She always tells me that he's like a teacher, in and out of schools. I told her that she's a peabrained dipshit who can't even take one simple word of criticism. She told me to try and speak normally whenever i decline his shit, i told him that i'm not like buddha and it's a lot more difficult to do that than she thinks.

Now that fuckin' nigger's gone, and i don't know where the fuck he's gone. To be honest, i don't fuckin' care at the moment. I got a job i have to get as soon as possible, if i really want that $20/hour pay.

But more importantly, I need to figure out how i'm supposed to make less incoherent angry spatter.

I need to lie down...

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Boku wa SHOCK!!!

Apr. 10th, 2007 | 12:25 pm
Emotion: surprisedsurprised

Saturday was probably the most bizarre day i've had thus far.

So i was going into Minifest: a preview convention event for the local annual con of this state in Australia. I wasn't really expecting much, since, hey, i could just goof off in the drawing room and just waste time there.

I first went to the games room to see what they got on play. But when i went to the room door, i saw a registration form for a game tourney for a game i didn't expect would appear anytime soon: Hokuto no Ken from Arc System Works. I was flabberghasted for a few seconds. After that i immediately signed up, listing as number 20. I was very excited.

The tourney itself didn't start until 1 pm, which is one hour prior to my registration, so i had time to practice the game as it was buried inside the game room.

The game disappointed me in terms of available options: contrary to public excitement, the characters are in the same numbers as the arcade version, and the controls aren't what i expect them to be since Arc System Works made them. There's not much for modes, too.

Even if the game was a bit of a letdown with the lack of characters, though, it was still an addicting game if played in the right venue.

So, anyway, i participated in the tourney, and i got into the semi-finals as Shin. The matches were VERY tense. Many times i would have less than 20% health, and i'd make it just before i get KO'd.

Unfortunately though, i lost the next round when i thought i could beat another Shin user by using Ken... That was a VERY big mistake.

But hey, i ended up in 3rd place. That's quite the achievement in my game tourney career so far.


After the game tourney, i went to the theater room for Iron Artist, which is Iron Chef with drawing and shit. There was a segment in the middle of the actual Iron Artist event that the staff would choose a member of the audience to do a quick drawing in 2 minutes of whatever keyword they get to pick. I was the second person to be chosen (after much attention whoring i made... I'm SO sorry, Tycho.), and the subject i obtained was, of all things, "romance". With that subject, I... ended up with 2 male kemono kissing. I know i heard some of the crowd say "YIFF IN HELL!", but for some reason, actually hearing that really amused me. It was strange. I usually become a bit irritated when i read it ONLINE.

Oh well. It's strange chemistry, but i'll take it.


I left that event to go into the drawing room, where a mecha class took place. I just sat there and made a few comments about sources of inspirations for mecha and a few inquiries prior to drawing a mecha. Stayed there for like an hour, i think.

One of the staff members in the con advertised that the closing ceremony would take place in the same theater, and out of curiosity, i attended. To my surprise, the staff had a copy of Hellsing Ultimate Part 1 that was to be screened right at the end of the ceremony. I haven't seen the last version of Hellsing, but the one i watched is pretty good. It's got some scenes where the animation tends to be a bit choppy, and there's also quite a lot of Engrish scenes, especially when Alexander Anderson was supposed to be reciting a line from the bible. I thought that was quite horrible, though the rest of the crowd found it to be very funny. Ah well. I still enjoyed watching it though. Quite faithful to the original.

Now that that's over, it's time for me to wait for Doujicon 2007 in july. Hopefully, when i'm a participant in Iron Artist there, i will make up for the embarassment i made in Manifest 2006.

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